Sitting and waiting in Newark airport. I haven’t been on a plane in just over a year. I get to the airport and decide to check my bag. Not because I need to but more because I don’t want the hassle of brining it on the plane. Also, to be blunt it is a little large to be a carry on.  
Proceeding to the security check point I start de-robing as it is 25 degrees out and I have a scarf, jacket, boots, and this just in, I have to remove my sweater to go through the x-ray machine.

I step up and no matter how much I read these machines are safe I can’t help but think radiation slowly seeps into my body. I fallow directions, put my hands above my head and have the odd feeling I just got taken advantage of, only to step out and get the feeling I am about to be patted down.

The TSA officer motions back to the machine and I turn around look back at her and she know I have no idea. She says ͞your butt͟. I look back and there is a picture with a person and a square that is basically in my crotch… my first thought ͞what’s up there?͟

This officer has no idea last night I was abducted by my dreams and I am secretly pregnant with a robot child. Ok, I lied. No, seriously why would my butt light up on a detection machine. The officer explains she is now going to give me a thorough pat down. Meanwhile I am wearing tight leggings orange/reddish tight shorts and a turtle neck. Also, if I had something up there I would be walking funny, believe me. All of the aforementioned is running through my head.

The officer then asks me to spread my legs and pats down between my legs. She wasn’t invasive and I knew she was just doing her job, but I couldn’t help and wonder what other fuck ups this machine does with people who may actually be caring weapons. I certainly am not carrying anything dangerous between my legs, but surely if it went of for me, who has it missed.  

I get through security, manage to put all my garments back on and having already got a notification my flight was delayed 45 minutes I start looking for somewhere I can get something to eat. Then, sure enough my phone buzzes and I am delayed another half hour. So, that brings me to this second where I have comfortably found a seat in the waiting area of this airport and I
was trying to find internet, but low and behold the internet at this airport is non-existent.  

All that keeps going through my head at this point is hoping that when I start flying for work, I hope my time is not wasted like this, and if it is, I really hope that internet is available.  

I forgot to mention, I bought chocolate truffles for the flight crew as an experiment. I am curious to see what happens when I give it to one of the flight members.