4:51am and I have been up for almost an hour. Thinking about all the things that could go wrong, all the things going wrong, all the weight of my world on my shoulders.
I thought last night as I went to sleep just after midnight, finally, I was going to reset my sleep schedule because I have turned into a nocturnal being for I have nothing to get up in the mornings for.
I found out in November I would have the privilege to work for an international airline come April. However, November to April is a long time. There was hope at one point that maybe I would be able to go back to my old job, working on cruise ships but that didn’t pan out. Which meant/means I have had nothing to do since January 1st and it is mid-February.
Having nothing to do is fun for about a week when you are someone like me.
I like to be busy. 80 hour weeks are my jam, and when I have nothing to do I watch tv I have already seen and try to find movies I have yet to see but there is only so much of that.
Then I start thinking, and here is where my problem lies. I think about all the things that can go wrong. I think about the things that can go right too, but I worry about a lot.
Money
My Cat
My relationships
My sanity
My goals in life
Is this new job in line with what I want or just a detour down a dark road
Short term worry of moving and finding a new apartment that meets mine and new roommate’s needs
Reality check, as it is almost 5am. These are all first world problems. I am not starving. I am healthy and most of my family is as well. That doesn’t mean that worrying about the above life decisions doesn’t cause me turmoil and make my mind race.
The funny part is I know myself and I will look back on this anxiety and one of two things will come into my mind in the future. Either, I am making a huge mistake with my life, or this is exactly the change or detour I needed to revitalize my life (to be blunt my life is pretty good but could be better).
Guess I need to suck it up or let it go. Anxiety is mostly fear which also looks a lot like excitement.
Flight Attendant Adventures 
Firstly congrats on the new job. I know it’s a little way off yet, but it will come around quicker than you think. Anxiety has an awful way of inventing things for us to worry about. The best thing you can do is evaluate what type of worry it is. If it’s a current worry, deal with the problem then let it go. If it’s hypothetical (those, what if worries) dismiss them, they are taking up your time and causing you stress. We don’t know the future, if you start working this new job and find that it’s not what you wanted, that’s okay and you can leave. You can change your mind 100 times if you need to, its still okay. 🙂
– Hannah
(www.paintmeasmile.co.uk)
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Hey Hannah,
Thanks for the kind words and I have to say I completely agree. Some of my worries are here and now and others are what ifs. There is anxiety that I have no idea what it correlates to but mostly I am excited for the journey and new job to start. Biding time.
I appreciate your comment and feel free to follow along.
~Cassie
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